John Abraham's great services to the country

Yeah... for which he's just won the Rajiv Gandhi Award. I mean, for what man? Flauntin' that hot body in a dozen movies? He might win the Padmashree next. And they might as well start giving out medals to Rakhi Sawant as well.

Make no mistake: I adore Johnny boy - at least those gorgeous part Parsi-part Mallu looks of his and that so-to-die-for body, but that doesn't make him a mean actor. Apart from his title role in Jism and a decent turn as a biker thief in Dhoom, he's mainly had some walk-through roles, and a 3-second do in Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna.

Really, I think they just write down all the actors' names on little slips of paper each year, dump it into a box and do a lucky dip to see who wins. The other awardee from the film industry is Sushmita Sen. Last I recall, she was dancing on top of desks with SRK in Main Hoon Na. That = outstanding acting ability. Is the Mumbai Congress myopic? Nah, they're merely awarding John for his topless services to animal rights causes (in the pic) and Sen for uplifting the general mood of Indian students, who have since been indulging in masturbatory fantasies about sexy teachers like her who they'll never have in their classes.